For a person going through mental health problems, having someone there to depend on for support can make all the difference. Anyone can be that supporter and make that difference. They just need to know how to see the signs and provide support.

In case you ever need to be that person, we’re providing some advice on how to support a friend, colleague or family member who is suffering from mental health problems, as well as free in-depth courses on the subject.

Whatever you do, if you think someone is in immediate danger, the best thing to do is ring 999 for an ambulance.

The first step is spotting the signs that someone is struggling. Take a look at our previous blog for help with recognising these symptoms. But before we get into the ins and outs of supporting someone, there is one fact that it’s important to know:

You can help

Be confident that you, as a friend, family member or colleague, can make a difference for the better. When a person you know is suffering from a mental health problem, you can help just by being there for them to listen and talk openly and positively. Although mental health is a big and sometimes complex subject, the help that you or any reasonable, friendly person can offer is still invaluable.

Do not worry about saying or doing the wrong thing or being intrusive. As long as you are friendly, open and non-pushy, you are almost certain to do good, rather than harm. Whatever your level of knowledge in the area, you can always listen. This can often be the most helpful thing for a person who is having difficulties.

If you are worried about being seen as intrusive, even a very general and conversational approach can be helpful. Ask how they are feeling and perhaps tell them you were wondering if they were okay at the moment.

Have courage

It’s important to have courage in your own ability to help the person. Being there, listening, talking and showing you care are all often hugely helpful, and we can all do that. Remember, there is no big, defined line between the kind of help we offer our friends when they’re down or anxious and the kind we can offer when these negative feelings have become part of a more serious mental health problem. Although expert help may be needed for some problems, and we’ll talk about that elsewhere, a listening ear and a supportive shoulder from a friend can also be a good thing.

The talk may not be straightforward, the person may be in denial, be resistant or simply not recognise that what they are experiencing is a serious problem. While you shouldn’t be pushy, don’t be put off by a negative response. You can help by asking open, non-leading questions for as long as the person is happy and receptive.

Be patient

Let the person talk in their own time. While you probably wouldn’t hurry someone in this situation on purpose, there is one mistake many of us make when listening to someone. Filling gaps in conversation is natural for a listener, especially in tense situations. However, in circumstances where the speaker may be having emotional difficulty, it is important to give them the time to pause, reflect and decide how to go on. Not only does this avoid awkward points in the conversation, but it can also motivate the speaker to trust the listener more and allow them time to really think through everything in the best frame of mind.

Show you care

Just taking the time to enquire about your friend, colleague or family member and to listen to them has already proved that you care. Keep that positive support there by avoiding and ignoring distractions such as phones and interruptions from others. Focus, maintain eye contact, engage with what you’re being told and show that you understand. Nods and little noises of understanding seem small, but they can make a big difference to the listener.

Make sure you understand

You can probably imagine that it’s important to be clear on what a person is telling you at this point. A good way to do this is to listen, translate and then say what your friend or colleague is telling you back to them as a question after they have finished speaking.

For example, “So, you have been feeling alone in lockdown and it has been making you depressed?”

This is part of ‘active listening’, and it helps you to confirm that you’ve got everything right while also reassuring the person that they are being heard, understood and appreciated.

How to help someone dealing with mental health problems during lockdown

Unfortunately, just as some people can feel most isolated in lockdown, some of the most helpful ways to support people have become restricted or problematic. Hugs and reassuring hands on the shoulder are now out of bounds, and even face-to-face meetings are severely restricted.

In this situation, it’s important to still be there for people who may be suffering from mental health problems in the fullest way possible, especially when confronting emotional issues. Talking on the phone is better than texting and a video call is even better. Age UK has great advice on how to make video calls suitable for any ages – yes, technology troubles us all, sometimes!

When you aren’t able to touch a person, whether social distancing in person or speaking remotely, you can make up for it by showing your support more in your tone of voice and body language. When you can’t hold a person you care for or place your hand on theirs, it can be worthwhile telling them how much you care and are there for them more than you normally would. Of course, these are just options and, like much in this article, it’s up to you how much you use them.

In addition to all of this, there are a few important facts to remember:

Serious risks to mental health are the same as those to physical health – You can meet to help someone deal with these problems in an urgent situation. In a crisis situation where a person’s health, life or fundamental wellbeing is critically in danger, you can also contravene distancing rules at your own judgement if you think it is needed in order to help. Again, we would strongly recommend that you ring 999 for an ambulance in many such situations, though this is up to you.

You can also make a bubble with an individual who needs ongoing support with their mental health, or with a household that needs general support because of the mental health needs of one member. Government information on when and how to do this can be found here.

Create a support network

Families and friendship groups are powerful things that can make a big difference to people suffering from mental health problems.

Supporting someone in this situation is much easier for a group than for an individual and it can be worthwhile coming together as a group to support a person.

We recommend that you only involve people that the sufferer chooses to open up to themselves unless there is a serious danger to them. If you feel that the person in question would benefit from opening up to others and receiving their support, recommend it to them and ask for their permission. Again, don’t be pushy unless they are in danger.

Organising group chats can be helpful to people dealing with depression and isolation during lockdown. For people with anxiety and stress, having several close friends or loved ones to depend on on a one-to-one basis is much more useful though. You can organise to each catch up with the person in question once a week or ensure at least one of you is always available to them at any point in the day. This can help both the sufferer and the supporters. It is sometimes useful to tactfully limit obvious talk of ‘meeting to help Cathy with her mental health’ for example without being secretive. You can still simply arrange to meet for a chat, even if everyone knows what the chat will be about.

Finally, we’ll say it again because we believe it:

You can help and you can make the difference

• Believe in yourself – Just being there is enough
• Show you care
• Be patient
• Be sure to understand
• Create a support network if it helps. Remember that some types of anxiety can lead to stress in group settings though.
• If a person is in danger you can contravene social distancing rules and we do advise ringing 999

Learn more about being there for people with mental health on our free, funded Mental Health Awareness courses

What you learn will help you protect your own mental health and support those around you. It’s also accredited, widely recognised and equivalent to a GCSE.

The offer is open to anyone in the UK who is not already on a funded apprenticeship. Just email Sally@sourcesolutions.co.uk with your name and the title “I would like to apply for a free MHA course” to kick off your free course application.

Email to apply for a free course

We hope our advice helps some people out there. Please get in touch with us if you need any more support for yourself or others. Otherwise, you can contact Mind or the Samaritans – both great charities and sources of support.